I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
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