He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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