Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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