R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
