My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
