I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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