Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.

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(453): View more from

apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.

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(847): View more from Illinois

He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned

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(770): View more from Georgia

To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.

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(410): View more from Maryland

So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.

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(406): View more from Montana

You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.

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