I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
