My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
