I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Randomize
