Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
