apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
