By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
