I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
