Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
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She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
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i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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