so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
