I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
