I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
nutella sex= disaster
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
