"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
