you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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