You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
