oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
