she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
