yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
operation have a gay friend backfired
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
