I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
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