marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
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