You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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