Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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