girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
