ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
