it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.