question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.