Texts From Last Night

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  (240): View more from Maryland

  At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka

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  (240): At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka http://tfl.nu/5kll
  Replies (21) Good night (998) Bad night (5409)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?

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  (563): Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water? http://tfl.nu/o66m
  Replies (29) Good night (955) Bad night (4257)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  How did people poop without Blackberrys?

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Motorola Razers?

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Stone age, man.

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  (902): How did people poop without Blackberrys? (416): Motorola Razers? (902): Stone age, man. http://tfl.nu/a751
  Replies (53) Good night (4200) Bad night (820)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?

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  (912): Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance? http://tfl.nu/favq
  Replies (39) Good night (4834) Bad night (857)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  it's not cheating when I paid for it

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  (678): it's not cheating when I paid for it http://tfl.nu/o8mk
  Replies (67) Good night (1549) Bad night (5351)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.

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  (617): After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left. http://tfl.nu/2zbc
  Replies (1) Good night (5109) Bad night (787)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.

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  (304): I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn. http://tfl.nu/xmj5
  Replies (10) Good night (6218) Bad night (1251)
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  (818): View more from California

  At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.

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  (818): At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis. http://tfl.nu/iwbw
  Replies (5) Good night (4122) Bad night (1482)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty

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  (253): She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty http://tfl.nu/bhaz
  Replies (3) Good night (705) Bad night (2746)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.

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  (603): I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin. http://tfl.nu/m6dy
  Replies (3) Good night (874) Bad night (320)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.

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  (773): Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app. http://tfl.nu/h2ht
  Replies (1) Good night (1145) Bad night (339)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.

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  (608): Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this. http://tfl.nu/002x
  Replies (3) Good night (925) Bad night (238)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.

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  (570): It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk. http://tfl.nu/rmsw
  Replies (4) Good night (571) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew

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  (434): I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew http://tfl.nu/2v1b
  Replies (5) Good night (449) Bad night (194)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.

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  (604): He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween. http://tfl.nu/lx69
  Replies (0) Good night (217) Bad night (349)

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