I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.