I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Best friends brother. Beat that.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
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I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
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He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES