Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  No...more like a life jacket.

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  (603): Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet? (1-603): No...more like a life jacket. http://tfl.nu/4uwt
  Replies (8) Good night (1692) Bad night (760)
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  (760): View more from California

  Joe is yelling at the trees again.

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  (760): Joe is yelling at the trees again. http://tfl.nu/dpjn
  Replies (26) Good night (4032) Bad night (780)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.

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  (863): Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight. http://tfl.nu/z2zb
  Replies (16) Good night (1064) Bad night (4369)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.

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  (403): you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned. http://tfl.nu/4rjg
  Replies (14) Good night (3816) Bad night (782)
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  (530): View more from California

  It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan

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  (530): It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan http://tfl.nu/v151
  Replies (29) Good night (5250) Bad night (1054)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?

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  (407): the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day? http://tfl.nu/2o1l
  Replies (17) Good night (5768) Bad night (1079)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"

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  (606): I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?" http://tfl.nu/ecul
  Replies (56) Good night (1143) Bad night (5207)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  YOU would be the Freshman Expirence

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  (217): He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that.. (1-217): YOU would be the Freshman Expirence http://tfl.nu/md5b
  Replies (6) Good night (1636) Bad night (591)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.

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  (541): Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock. http://tfl.nu/5hls
  Replies (13) Good night (1673) Bad night (820)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.

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  (910): Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap. http://tfl.nu/jw87
  Replies (4) Good night (1429) Bad night (1166)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun

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  (847): Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun http://tfl.nu/7pg6
  Replies (3) Good night (726) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.

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  (248): Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty. http://tfl.nu/b16d
  Replies (4) Good night (962) Bad night (535)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.

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  (717): This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits. http://tfl.nu/qs9c
  Replies (1) Good night (468) Bad night (297)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation

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  (281): I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation http://tfl.nu/41s4
  Replies (1) Good night (357) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.

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  (973): And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop. http://tfl.nu/sq27
  Replies (3) Good night (476) Bad night (306)

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