i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
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ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
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I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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