I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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