This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
