WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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