She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake