well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering