i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
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I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
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Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(