Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
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someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
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Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it