did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
