my mouth tastes like poor choices
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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