the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
