STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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