i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
