meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
