I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
