A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
