I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
