Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
