She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize