I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No subtext here. People are naked.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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