Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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