You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
