Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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