its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
