You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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