never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
