Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
