I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i think my mom watched the whole time
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
