So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
