If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
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the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
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My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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