So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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