I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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