Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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