just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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