Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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