How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We are two peas in an std pod
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
