Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
