Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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