I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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