Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
