She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
