What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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