is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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