I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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