Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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